2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
