we have pet lesbian snakes
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
