Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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