it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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