Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize