____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
