I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
