the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
