Soap is not a condiment
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
