you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
