Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
