So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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