I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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