you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
