I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
