3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
