i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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