google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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