ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize