so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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