Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
time to smoke my breakfast
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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