i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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