Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize