This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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