Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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