he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I pour the whiskey from now on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
