Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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