Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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