She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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