Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize