Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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