There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She bit a glass in half.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
