Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
