$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
