i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
