I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
