i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
