its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
