omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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