I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
