that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
