Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
how does that bad decision feel?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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