smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
