YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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