You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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