Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
not ubering you a puppy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
