Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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