I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
