They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
