hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
