It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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