I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
