guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What drink are we having for lunch?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
