dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
