Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
