Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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