Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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