I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
