At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
