Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
