I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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