Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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