and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
