Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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