Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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