I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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