just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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