Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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