I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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