He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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