I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
