ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
