i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize