I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
