my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
