I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
