I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize