her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
