Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
