Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize