he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
