***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
