Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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