Your dad touched me again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
