No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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