is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
