nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
