Say something about gay babies.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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