just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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