I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This baby is an asshole
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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