Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
