Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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