Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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