I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
