I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
