How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
