bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
