she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize