I just saw a hot homeless man
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
