TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
