If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
