We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
