The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
