I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
