sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
