do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
