She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
